The ups and the downs

Hi Guys,

Thank you for reading my last blog post and all the positive feedback I received from you guys.

So for the last 6 weeks now I have been having private counselling due to waiting 13 years for it through my GP and the NHS and not getting anywhere I decided to bite the bullet and go private.

So one of my issues with anxiety and depression was one minute I was completely fine and then the next was either sky high with anxiety or very low in depression. this used to bother me quite a bit and could never understand why.

Through counselling and a lot of self help techniques I have come to realise that when you have mental health issues especially depression you will face up and downs and again especially when not taking any medications.

When I made the decision to come of the medication my main reasoning behind it was I didn't want to feel numb any more! I wanted to feel again, something....anything.

Well for the best part of the 4 months I've been off the medication the majority of the feelings and emotions I have started to feel again was negative. Well of course that is understandable as the medication was to stop the feelings of depression (although it didn't stop all of it) now that chemical is missing from my brain of course I was going to slip back into depression again.

However for me personally although the feelings I was feeling were negative it was so much better not to be numb.

What I have been trying to explain to the medical world for the past ten years is yes medication does help you but only short term! Its like putting a plaster over a deep wound but the wound isn't healing!

What I am finding now is that the counselling and the self help I have been using is the stitches starting to repair my wound and its starting to heal slowly but surely.

Now I am not saying that I am out of the woods yet and I still get those down days, in fact I had one just yesterday where I didn't see the point in things but you fight through those thoughts.

Other than yesterday the past couple of days have been good for me and I found myself laughing again. Not the fake laugh or the mask I have been wearing for many years but a true, real laugh.

I've been wearing that mask for far too long and finally I am starting to feel a bit more like me.

I am willing to accept the ups and downs that I am going to face on this new journey I am taking but I will learn to embrace them, enjoy the ups and not give my self such a hard time over the downs.

So I guess the point I am trying to make here is you guys too will face the ups and the downs of your mental health conditions no matter what they are but don't be too hard on yourself when you have the down days. Everyone in life has them its just they seem to be so much more magnified when we suffer mental health. Enjoy the ups and just know that the downs will pass! We have all been here before and they will pass.

Have a great weekend everyone and thanks for reading.

Brez